Life’s Unanswerable Questions — Homemaker Edition


With the progression of Katrina’s disability, I’ve become the primary housekeeper at our place. I enjoy it good enough, but even after years of practice I still have some lingering concerns:

  1. Why do I put a single softener sheet in the dryer, and take five out?
  2. Why do I put two socks in the washing machine, and only one comes out? (for a partial answer, see # 8 below).
  3. Should I count vacuum-cleaning around the exercise equipment as exercise?
  4. How does my pantry turn into a time warp? Just when I start to use something I thought I recently purchased, I notice that it expired in 2006.
  5. Why do they put shaving cream in cans that rust and leave permanent rings on the bathtub ledge?
  6. Who knew that hair conditioner does a better job for shaving anyway?
  7. Why does the bedspread always end up sideways when I’m making the bed? The law of percentages should give me a half-chance of being right.
  8. How can the corners of fitted sheets catch so many washcloths, towels, t-shirts, undergarments—and some of those wayward socks?
  9. After pulling all the lent off the strainer in the dryer, how can I have any clothes left?
  10. Why do we all have 946,149 separate household items, from thumbtacks to davenports, but if even one thing is out of place the whole house looks like a disaster zone?
  11. Why can I never toast nuts without burning them?
  12. Why don’t we ever track dirt out of the house?
  13. Why do my best t-shirts get oil stains on front of them while my ratty ones never do?
  14. Why do shirt-makers use the phrase “Wrinkle Resistant” instead of saying “This Shirt Will Wrinkle”?
  15. Why is my iron so good at permanently creasing the wrinkles into my shirts — and how do you fold up those ironing boards anyway?

I’d list a few more questions, but the trashcan is starting to smell and, well, duty calls….