With the progression of Katrina’s disability, I’ve become the primary housekeeper at our place. I enjoy it good enough, but even after years of practice I still have some lingering concerns:
- Why do I put a single softener sheet in the dryer, and take five out?
- Why do I put two socks in the washing machine, and only one comes out? (for a partial answer, see # 8 below).
- Should I count vacuum-cleaning around the exercise equipment as exercise?
- How does my pantry turn into a time warp? Just when I start to use something I thought I recently purchased, I notice that it expired in 2006.
- Why do they put shaving cream in cans that rust and leave permanent rings on the bathtub ledge?
- Who knew that hair conditioner does a better job for shaving anyway?
- Why does the bedspread always end up sideways when I’m making the bed? The law of percentages should give me a half-chance of being right.
- How can the corners of fitted sheets catch so many washcloths, towels, t-shirts, undergarments—and some of those wayward socks?
- After pulling all the lent off the strainer in the dryer, how can I have any clothes left?
- Why do we all have 946,149 separate household items, from thumbtacks to davenports, but if even one thing is out of place the whole house looks like a disaster zone?
- Why can I never toast nuts without burning them?
- Why don’t we ever track dirt out of the house?
- Why do my best t-shirts get oil stains on front of them while my ratty ones never do?
- Why do shirt-makers use the phrase “Wrinkle Resistant” instead of saying “This Shirt Will Wrinkle”?
- Why is my iron so good at permanently creasing the wrinkles into my shirts — and how do you fold up those ironing boards anyway?
I’d list a few more questions, but the trashcan is starting to smell and, well, duty calls….